It feels weird to be able to talk about this because I feel like we have been holding this secret in for so long but….
We are having a baby boy!
After over a year of trying to conceive, as my husband likes to say, “We finally made one stick!”
I don't even think that I can begin to wrap my head around how to describe this last year and a half and all
the emotions that went along with it.
I knew I always wanted to write a blog post on my experiences trying to conceive because it was one of the worst periods of my life. The disappointment, the pressure, the longing, the heartache, and the fear that it will never happen for you are some of the MANY
reasons why.
The worst might be the external pressure and advice.
While some (not all) people mean well, they have no idea how hurtful or frustrating some of their words can be.
“Have you tried not stressing about it?”
“Have you tried tracking your temperature?”
“Just get drunk and don’t worry about it.”
“I wish that was how it was for us. My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant.”
“You guys aren’t getting any younger.”
“Don’t you want a family.”
“Do you take vitamins?”
“I can’t wait for you to have a baby.”
“Maybe if you have to try so hard you aren't meant to have one.”
“You could always adopt.”
“You can take one of my kids, they drive me nuts.”
“You should be thankful, you can still travel.”
“Just stop trying and then it will happen.”
And my personal favorite:
“Is your husband disappointed with you?”
Yes these are all
things that real
people said to me in my real
life.
Honestly, it’s a miracle some of these didn’t result in me receiving assault charges.
You're welcome for my self control.
* smiles with an eye twitch *
The most ironic thing about all of it is that with all the pressuring comments people made, it actually made me want to never have kids. Like at all.
Which is crazy because of how much I have loved kids and wanted to be a mom since I was a child.
Even the smallest amount of water will erode a rock with enough time.
I will say the unexpected blessing of being honest about the journey that we were on to conceive is that it allowed me to learn a lot about the people in my life and their journeys as well. By sharing our struggles and feelings we opened the doors to some really honest and vulnerable conversations. Some of our friends and family trusted us with their stories, their struggle to conceive, their loss, and their rainbow babies.
It is quite beautiful
to be trusted enough by someone with those cherished memories.
When the test said pregnant for the first time instead of showing us not pregnant, negative, or just one line we were in shock. My husband's face went so numb he drooled (don’t worry he thinks it's hysterical and is fine that I share that). I think at that moment we were prepared for another heartache.
We set up the camera each time we tested to record our reactions so that one day we could show our child the moment we found out about them. We now have twelve
very sad videos and one
really really happy one.
What the process of trying to conceive has taught me mainly about is gratitude.
I love our twelve sad videos because they lead us to our thirteenth.
Without the struggle there wouldn't be as much beauty in the triumph.
While my husband and I are choosing to limit what we share about our child on the internet I wanted to share this post for all the people out there in their parenthood journeys.
If you are trying to conceive,
can not have children, are going through treatment, are mourning a loss, are thinking of giving up, or are in any other season of waiting: we see you. We know that nothing
that we can say can make this process any easier or less emotional. If you need to talk about it, know that we are here and routing for you.
If you are one of those people
with the comments, the nosey, the intrusive, and the pressure to have more kids, less kids, or kids in general: in the most disrespectful way possible, fuck you.
Life is hard enough without your pressure and two cents Karen. Maybe mind your business and not everyone else's?
To our son,
you are wanted more than you could ever imagine. You have been prayed for, dreamed of, talked about, and loved for our entire lives. You will do amazing things. You will be brave, kind, thoughtful, strong, wise, funny, compassionate, and perfect just as you are. We will do everything in our power to love, protect, and guide you to the best of our abilities. You might have to give us some grace, we are new to this whole parent thing.
We always knew that God had a plan for you. He knew you would be our 13th try (my lucky number) and be due in the 7th month (your dads lucky number). He gave you extra time in heaven with our family members and I know they don’t want to let you go.
We are ready for you when you are a little man.
You, our son, were always worth the wait.
Love you more,
Morgan
Check this out Corner:
Modern Fertility.
Not only was I able to do fertility testing from the comfort of my own home, but all ovulation tests and pregnancy tests can be scanned and uploaded into the app. You can log all symptoms and have it generate clear records for your medical professionals. Best of all, it's free.